My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
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Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
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I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
They have beer where we have blood.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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