I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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