New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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