8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I love having hate sex.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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