I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize