The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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