Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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