apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
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his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
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Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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