1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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