Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
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Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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