i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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