I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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