just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
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Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
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I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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