Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize