1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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