hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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