According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize