I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize