My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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