Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize