How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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