I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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