hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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