Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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