My girlfriend figured out who you are.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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