I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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