the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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