so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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