So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
please don't ironically join a cult
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