There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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