I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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