I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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