Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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