Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize