I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
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Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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