Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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