My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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