what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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