I think I died a long time ago.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
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It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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