is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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