just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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