We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
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I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
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If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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