last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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