when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize