I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
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His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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