the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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