I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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