I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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