YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
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She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
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God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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