You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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